Living

When someone desperately jumps into the sea of love without caring about their own well - being, you may also wonder what makes them go to great lengths for love. Is a "love - addled brain" really hopeless?

What is a "Love - addled Brain"?

The commonly mentioned "love - addled brain" is actually a kind of thinking mode that puts love above all else.

Those who, once in a relationship, put all their energy and thoughts into love and their lovers are called "love - addled brains" (a deep sense of love and a fanatical courtship mentality).

A "love - addled brain" may have the following three characteristics:

1. Considering the lover to be perfect Psychology professor Tennov used 400 couples from the University of Bridgeport in Connecticut as samples. He asked them about their attitudes towards love and assigned them the task of "writing a love diary", and then analyzed their diaries. Among them, student Chaucer wrote in his diary: "Since (his lover) Mary came into my life, my world has been completely turned upside down." One's lover may be an old acquaintance or a complete stranger. But after falling in love, the other person is removed from their original identity and put on a pedestal by their lover. But can they realize that their lover is not actually that perfect? In fact, these students can list the flaws of their lovers, but they choose to reject these flaws and try to create a perfect lover in their hearts.
2. Intrusive thoughts Like people with obsessive - compulsive disorder, those with "love - addled brains" may experience repetitive and intrusive thoughts, feeling that the other person occupies their mind all the time. Everyone has their own time and space, but those with love - addled brains wish they could be with the other person every moment, like conjoined twins. Data shows that they spend 85% - 100% of their time thinking about their lovers, which seriously affects their daily lives. They can't work or study well because they can't concentrate at all.
3. Over - relying on the other person The love of a "love - addled brain" is a compulsive or dependent kind of love, similar to a behavioral addiction. Once they establish a connection with their lover, it's like grabbing a lifesaver. When they are with their lover, they experience a strong sense of pleasure, satisfaction, and euphoria. But they are paranoid, longing for intimacy and companionship while being sensitive and suspicious. When alone, they feel anxious, helpless, and depressed, extremely afraid of being abandoned, and may even lose the ability to be alone, losing themselves in love.

Why do people become "Love - addled Brains"? If you feel that the above characteristics are so similar to yourself, as if looking in a mirror, then perhaps you have become a "love - addled brain" without realizing it. The following reasons may cause you to unconsciously fall into the "love - addled brain" crisis.

1. Inner deficiency Blind love stems from inner deficiency. Perhaps in childhood, we openly expressed our wishes and needs to our parents, but the response we always got was their shaking heads in disagreement. If parents only focus on their own needs or are under various external pressures, they may not be able to provide the companionship, attention, and love that we urgently need. If we are not sure that our parents will be there to protect us, it is difficult to feel that we are really important, valuable, or even loved.
2. Narcissistic defense: Idealization We have expectations of our parents and refuse to accept their imperfections; we have expectations of our lovers and are reluctant to admit any flaws. Idealization (over - evaluating someone) is a defense mechanism to deny reality, avoid disappointment, and maintain self - esteem. When our parents fail to meet our idealization, we turn to others, and at this time, our parents become the "bad guys". This new idealized object becomes the new "good guy" until they disappoint us, and then we turn to a new person. This cycle repeats, with hopes rising frequently and disappointments accumulating continuously.
3. Anxious attachment The attachment style formed in early childhood is closely related to the quality of care from caregivers. As we enter adulthood, the attachment style formed in childhood will have a profound impact on our love. Some parents are sometimes cold and sometimes warm towards their children. When caregivers cannot provide children with continuous and stable attention and care, it will cause great distress to children, leading to the formation of anxious attachment. Anxious attachment may also be caused by "intrusive" or "shocking" parenting styles. Parents who adopt this parenting style consider their own needs more than their children's needs. Therefore, individuals with "love - addled brains" do not feel love and trust towards their partners, but rather a kind of "emotional hunger". They hope that the other person can save them or make them more "complete".

Self - help Guide for "Love - addled Brains"

1. See your own needs It must be recognized that those defensive and self - protective reactions have helped you in your growth process, preventing you from being overwhelmed by experiences of fear, shame, or rejection. This may indeed be an effective way to avoid experiencing pain again. Not daring to express your needs, or even denying that you have these needs, is an "adaptive" behavior. But in life, there needs to be more "being seen" - seeing the feelings and emotions that we have once suppressed, so that we can have a more solid sense of self - identity and value.
2. "Re - programming" Meaningful personal change can only be achieved when: in order to adapt to the real situation you are facing, the past survival mechanisms can be discarded (de - programmed) and then "re - programmed" (re - programmed). Of course, you can't change what actually happened to you. Back then, you had to regard the (perhaps assumed) negative information you received about yourself as authoritative, but now you can re - evaluate their rationality and change your initial understanding or interpretation of what might have happened before.
3. Set relationship boundaries For a "love - addled brain", the lover is often too important, even more important than their own life. But while they can "give everything" for their lover, there is one thing they won't do: consider the other person's feelings and respect the other person's boundaries. Setting and adhering to boundaries can give you a sense of structure and initiative, allowing you to remain rational and principled when facing love. As Shakespeare said: Loving too fast is as difficult as loving too slowly to make love last. Loving moderately can make love last long.
4. Nurture the inner child After realizing your situation, you need to regain the ability to "love yourself". This usually means convincing the child living deep in your heart that they can start to see themselves in a different way, in a more approving and forgiving way. If you really have difficulty getting out of the state of a "love - addled brain", you may consider seeking professional psychological help. Through psychological counseling, you will learn how to like and respect yourself more. Rejecting the "love - addled brain" is by no means rejecting love. On the contrary, it is for the sake of loving better.